Thoughts that have haunted me since waking, six days ago!

On the morning of the 1st of August I posted the core of what follows on my Facebook account. Six days later I still feel this echoing in my head, so I decided to expand on it a little and put it on my blog. I hope it makes sense to someone.


I woke up that morning with one thought going around, and around in my head, “you have one wish!”

It’s obviously an echo, a left over from the last dream of the night, but now I’m sitting here, even now wondering what my one wish would have been…

I know, a slavegirl who will come back when I free her?

No, a publishing deal?

Actually I think I’d really like a ukulele with perfect intonation after the 7th fret?

Never mind I think it should be an airsoft rifle with a barrel that doesn’t have an internal diameter of 7.36mm (really? Double Eagle…seriously)?

You know, now that I think about it maybe I should go with a pussy to go with the oversized non-vagina adjacent clit?

Crap, I just saw myself topless in the mirror, I should probably ask for firmer boobs?

A screw all that, what I really want is enough money to finish my moms mortgage for her.

Well it’s not like it really matters. Even if Athena herself appeared in front of me, with an owl on her shoulder ,and surrounded by a flock of magpies, it’d still just be to tell me one thing.

“Oh sorry all out of wishes, but here, have a hard as fuck quest instead.”

Well my response to that would have to be a firm, but polite, “Quest to kiss my ass!”

I think my childhood finally completely, and truly died that morning. I woke up thinking I had one wish, something I would have before greeted with glee. But now all I can think is “yeah and that wish is inside a condom filled with deep heat, tiger balm, fire ants, and a dose of the clap. And the only way to reach that wish is to just stick it in there and take the shit as well…” Because you know what? Wishes are bullshit.

I can wish my life away and never receive either what I want, or what I need. And even if I did I’d find that I valued neither. I think I’ll move on now to asking my patroness for guidance so my feet land on the right path, the path that with enough hard work will lead to what I want, and need. Assuming I need that guidance at all.

*This has been a random saunter through the mess that is both Amanda Harper’s conscious and unconscious mind. Tune in on Thursday for something a bit more normal.

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