Archive for May, 2013

28/05/2013

I’m back, more or less.

As you probably know my blogging has been kind of spotty lately. Mostly this is because of huge swathes of childhood abuse related scarring having become a serious issue in the past few months, and finally coming to a head in the past few weeks. I’m not through the woods yet, not nearly, but I’ve at least gathered together all the forms of help I need to get through this. So that being the case I decided that for my first blog in two weeks I’d like to make a list of my various projects, explain them a little, and if I can prioritize them. Yup, it’s a sorta list post.

1: My Random Ruminations. This blog, well it was always going to be my first priority because, as was pointed out to me last night, I do get a lot from doing it. I would like to perhaps become a little more focused in what I blog about, continue my Old Games series, maybe start a little series about my experience transitioning, keep going with the “Ten reasons it’s awesome to be…” series. You know, continue with the things which have brought both my readers, and myself pleasure in the past. Though I am going to stick with my two days a week format.

2: Fictional written projects. My second novel has kind of found itself neglected of late. With my own emotions all over the place I simply haven’t been able to figure out what fictional characters are feeling. But I do have a nice chunk of it first drafted from before I went cuckoo, as well as parts of several short stories. So as I finally start to climb back out of this hole I’m in I intend to reconnect with those, as I feel able, and get back to creating new worlds.

3 or 4: Acidgirl. Poor Acidgirl. She got 5 strips and 2 filler pages before I had to put her to one side. I LOVE drawing her, Shotgun, and Knower, and I have wonderful plans for them in the future. But for now my webcomic has to take a back seat, it’s far too time consuming, and emotionally draining for me to have it be a focus. That said I am still working on it in dribs and drabs as I feel able. Mostly 1 page 4/5 panel short stories, full page poster type pages, and even a couple of genuine cover pages are starting to take shape. I’m also very regularly practicing my drawing skills so when i does come back the quality will be markedly improved. But I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before anyone finds out more about the last member of the 13th.

4 or 3: Foodish Video Blog. A while back I had an idea for a food, well actually drinks, based video blog. It’s a very simple idea, and would be pretty quick to make episodes of, so it’s probably how I’ll get back to video blogging. But there is a VERY big but here. My broadband is pathetic. It took over 90 minutes to upload my Transphobia video blog last year, and that’s just not workable for regular vlogging. So I’m hoping in the next few weeks to have a much better connection installed which will be a good first step. This project is a little interchangeable with Acidgirl in how important it is to me, and because it would be far less intense to work on it may well come first…we’ll see.

5: My Random Ruminations the video edition. I loved making video blogs. I truly enjoy planning, shooting, and editing them. But when you’re emotionally in a bad place it’s very hard to put yourself out there. It’s even harder when you know what you’ve done before is not what you wanted to do in the first place. But as much as I would love to get back to this, I know it would be a mistake right now. So instead I’m learning new editing skills, learning about lighting, and sound. Generally picking up the skills I need to really come back to this the way that will make me happiest. I’m not sure when I’ll get back, but it will be in the next year or so.

6: A review show. I have a good idea for a review show. It’ll be different to, I think, all the other ones out there in the interwebs, it certainly is to all the ones I’m aware of. And I’ve made a modest start on it by starting to gather materials to review. But getting back to basic vlogging is the first step before I can launch this idea on an unsuspecting world. But for now let me just say that it is very much a project that will have all my friends rolling their eyes. It’s a very Amanda Harper idea.

7: Graphic Novel. Yes, I am nuts. But I have a wonderful idea for a series of graphic novels. I can’t say a lot about this right now because it’s very much the barely sprouted seedling of an idea. But it will happen, and of course being a graphic novel Acidgirl coming back online is a key stage to getting to my jump off point.

8: My Slasher Pic. Yup, I want to shoot a slasher film. I have a weird idea for one, that’s been banging around in my head for months now. But it’s a very distant dream. For now it’s a VERY low priority, coming somewhere behind wiping out the Irish political system and having myself installed as Empress. That said, don’t be surprised if some day you hear about an Amanda Harper short being shown at a Horror convention…ah dreams.

There are of course other side projects. I’m always building something, or designing something. But for now this will give a good idea of what I would like to throw your way in the foreseeable future. However, these (just like my love-life, finding a slavegirlfriend, and ever having a night out again) are all reliant on my emotional health getting a lot better. I believe I will get there, after all as much as what I’m going through right now hurts me it is all a healing experience, it just doesn’t feel much like one right now. But for now, well, getting back on top of my blogging is as good a start as any. Right?

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18/05/2013

Yeeeeeah, no post today either.

I could lie, I could say that the sun is out, and I just feel too lazy to write. But the truth is that Friday was one of the worst days of my life from an emotional health point of view, and so I am nowhere near the right head-space to be able to write anything worth reading. So that being the case, and considering how sick I’ve been for a full week now, I’m going to take a break until Tuesday week. Hopefully by then I’ll be back to something approximating myself.

Thanks for your ongoing patience.

14/05/2013

No Blog, oh gods no bloooooooooooooooooooooooogh…

Yeah, stomach bug. It turns out there is a difference between a tummy bug and my normal health. That difference is a really bad headache, and fever. So…find your own damned entertainment today. *Blows raspberry* Laters.

11/05/2013

I love your voice, just please enunciate properly darling.

I find myself in a quandary where many singers are concerned. I want to like Imelda Mays music. It’s bright, bouncy, often cheerful, and wonderfully old but new. However there is one pretty major problem. I just can’t make out half of the fecking words she sings. I mean she is singing in english, right? Because sometimes I wonder.

I feel the same way about a lot of singers, everything’s great apart from not being able to make out the words. For example, it took me 20 listens to Pinks latest song “Just give me a reason” to realise that she was saying “Just a second we’re not broken just bent”. Up until then I swear I heard “ended”, “rent”, “sent”, I mean “sent”? What the frikkin fuck? How does that even fit, and yet that was genuinely what I heard.

“But Amanda, there’s always been misheard lyrics.” Yes, I know. I can remember someone in my family really believing that the chorus from Enyas “Orinoco flow” was and I quote

“Save a whale,
Save a whale,
Save a whale.”

It happens, the sung word is admittedly not a precision musical instrument in the same way as a flute, or piano. It has near infinite variations of inflection, tonality, duration. But sometimes I wonder do singers actually belong to a secret order whose sworn goal is to drive every person on Earth in to mindless slaves via confusing lyrics? ‘Cause, damn it singers, sometimes you really do leave me scratching my head.

For a lot of my teens I was kind of in to rap for this reason. Say what you like about Technotronic, and their frontwoman Ya Kid K, but at least you can always make out what’s being said in their songs. Same goes for MC Hammer, The Fresh Prince and even *swallows bile* Vanilla Ice. I hate not being able to make out what someone is saying, much less singing.

It jars my sensibilities, irritates me beyond all belief, and it was only the discovery of Queen, Pat Benetar, and Level 42 in my mid to late teens that brought me back to being a fan of the sung word. I’m thankful for this, and that there are at least some musical artists who can sing a perfectly pronounced song that is still emotionally affecting. But dear gods, sometimes I just want to shake certain songbirds, and scream at them.

“ENUNCIATE GODS DAMN IT!”

And now, Queen.

Yes, this was largely just an excuse for me to post some of my favorite songs.

07/05/2013

Very short blog today. Mostly a question actually…

I have this idea, that maybe I should record videos of what I’m going through right now. Sort of show people what I’m coping with, what caused it, how it manifests, the stages I go through and how I finally end up dealing with it. Think of it as “This Girls Guide to Surviving PTSD Caused by a History of Childhood Sexual-Abuse.” I’m going through Hell right now, and I want it to be for something, but my getting better doesn’t feel like enough. I sort of feel like there should be something more at the end of all this than just having more peace with myself.

So the question is this, do you as my reader feel that this is something I should do? Straight question so please feel free to give a straight answer. All answers will be read, and replied to. I need to ask this now because for this to be valid if I do it I have to start pretty much today. These videos will be recorded, and dated. But not edited or uploaded for a while, until I feel able to cope with the seething mess of YouTube.

And with that I am off to town for a day with my best friend. Bye, bye.

04/05/2013

This week I’m off to sunny…Cork?

Yup Amanda Harper is on the move. It’s time to visit my mom, meet up with a little sister or two, and then come back home relieved to be with my puppies, and my XBox. But packing this morning (Thursday) got me thinking about travel-kits for people who are chronically unwell.

As any regular reader knows by now that in addition to a rather convoluted mess of emotional problems I also have fought with increasingly bad bowel problems for many years. To put it plainly even my diarrhea has diarrhea, and my stomach pains write long eloquent tragic epic poems about the cramps they themselves suffer from. Yes, I spend a lot of time on the toilet, clutching a hot water bottle, with YouTube running on my mobile phone.

But when I want to travel alone for much of any distance I have to assemble a kit. And for the most part its contents are pretty much common sense.

Amanda Harpers travel kit.

Two pairs of spare panties.Two heavy flow sanitary pads. (In case of accidents, they won’t stop a flood, but might just save you from a little squirt.)
Antiseptic wipes.
Antispasmodic medication.
Imodium/Lomotil.
Codeine based painkiller.
Doggy poop bags. (It’s better than nothing to go in, believe me.)
Deodorant.
Mouthwash. (To cool the burn.)
Spare cash. (To get my burning ass home.)

Pretty much common sense, right?

Now admittedly I’ve been rather bold lately and haven’t had much of this kit with me when I go out. I should. I know I should. But it kind of started to feel like a ball and chain that I dragged around the place with me. However after the past three days I will be reassembling it in the next week or so, and it will be coming everywhere with me.

Anyway, packing got me thinking about my kit, and wondering if other people with different problems have their own kits. Do for example diabetics have a kit they travel with? Coeliacs? Migraine sufferers? People with mobility problems, or emotional problems? So, I’m asking those of you who have such problems to reply here, and if you use such a kit tell my readers and myself about it. Because when you have bad health even the smallest of things can make a big difference, and information is most definitely one of the not so small things.

And with that I’m off to Cork. Huzzah!

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