Not so long ago I wrote a list of my personal ten most beautiful women of science fiction. I really enjoyed writing it, after all, the exhaustive research was hardly a painful undertaking. So I decided to follow it up this week with the women of fantasy. For the information of those pedants out there I am defining fantasy here as anything that makes use of the supernatural, or magical, or unexplainable as a plot device, but not those that also consistently use a horror element, or are set in space. So Warehouse 13 is fantasy, but because it’s set in space Battlestar Galactica doesn’t fit in this list despite its copious use of mythology.
And yes, yes I know I put both The Almighty Johnsons, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the science fiction post. Can we just accept that I was blinded by Alyson Hannigan, Amber Benson, and Eve Gordon, then build a frikkin’ big bridge, and get over it? Thanks.
Anyway I mentioned Warehouse 13 back there so…
10: Allison Scagliotti – Claudia Donovan – Warehouse 13.
Apparently she’s been in season 9 of Smallville, CSI, and a shitload of other high-profile television programs. But I only know her from Warehouse 13, and that apparently she is a hardcore geek. So what can I say about this woman…well I guess my feelings are best summed up by saying “Mommy can I have her for Christmas?! I’ll love her, and play with her, and exercise her, and love her, Can I? Can I? Can I?”
See? Now I’m a dirty old lady.
9: Kristanna Loken – Queen Brunhilde – Sword of Xanten/Dark Kingdom/The Dragon King
First of all what’s not to like about a lavish two-part screen adaptation to the legend Siegfried and the Dragon? That is after all precisely what this program is. Secondly how gorgeous an Icelandic queen does Kristanna Loken make? She’s often someone who’s personality, and looks just don’t seem to quite fit the parts she plays. But in Sword of Xanten they couldn’t fit better. And that hair, how badly do I want that hair style with the wind-braids. Nom. Just generally how badly do I want dinner with Miss Loken? She’s been one of my longest held crushes, ever since Mortal Combat the television series in fact. And no that series will not be appearing on one of these lists. I have some self-respect you know.
Anyway, If you know the legend then you know the movie’s story. If you don’t, I won’t ruin it for you. But I will suggest you get onto Amazon, buy a copy, pop some corn, and settle in for 4 hours of wonderfulness. Just have some tissues handy, I cried for a LOT of the second half. Oh, and rest assured good reader, the divine Kristanna will return in a future list…Also this mini-series has the most haunting closing music I’ve ever heard. Enjoy.
8: Joanne Whalley – Sorsha – Willow.
I’m a sucker for a girl in armor.
Back in the 80’s Joanne was a dream girl. Put her in armor, and give her a really tough character to play, there you have one of my dream girls. Which at the age of 10 led to some rather interesting, and very confusing feelings. I eventually forgave her for marrying Val Kilmer…*shakes head at the insanity* By the way there’s a second picture of her, it has nothing to do with Willow but I thought it might be appreciated, want to see it?
I’m also a sucker for a redhead in a maids outfit.
7: Renee O’Connor – Gabrielle – Xena: Warrior Princess.
It’s so difficult to find a photo of this woman where she doesn’t look kind of vapid. Now I know that sounds bad but here’s the thing. There are women who photograph amazingly well. And then there are women for whom a still photograph almost always misses how beautiful they really are. So much of Renee O’Connor’s beauty is in how she moves, and that fact makes a good picture hard to find. That said wet hair, and a big sword always help. Anyway Mrs Warrior Princess ladies, and gentlemen. (Seriously Lucy Lawless is apparently on record as having said they were married. *bounces up and down and claps hands* Yeeeaaaay!)
6: Bridget Regan – Kahlan – Legend of the Seeker
Okay I loathe this television series almost as much as I love the books. It’s crap, awful, terrible. How they took those books, with the help of the author, and came out with THIS I’ll never understand. I watched 3 episodes, and then I just started watching it with the sound off. Mostly for this woman. I mean look at her. I still get heart flutters when I look at her, she’s just that beautiful. It’s just a shame that they took one of the toughest, most admirable female fantasy characters ever, and turned her into something that wasn’t.
5: Erin Cummings – Sura – Spartacus: Blood and Sand.
Yup, another show I absolutely loathe. But it does have its plus points one of those is Erin Cummings, who plays the wife of Spartacus. So my advice is watch the first season with the sound off. That way, if like me you actually know even a little bit about history, you won’t end up chewing your own tongue off, but you can still keep an eye out for this lady. And of course for Lucy Lawless.
4: Vera Farmiga – Caitlin – Roar
Do you remember 1997? You do? Do you remember Roar then? You don’t? Well don’t worry about that, no-one else does either. Which is kind of a shame. It was a spirited attempt to…Irish up the Xena/Hercules genre of television. It introduced us to Heath Ledger, as possibly the least convincing Irishman ever, and I include Sean Connery in Darby O’Gill and the Little People in this. But also showing us the gorgeous Vera Farmiga for the first time. She’s American/Ukrainian, and I blame her for my ongoing lover affair with Eastern European women. I just wish a few more people remembered this show, so I would have some chance of finding a decent picture of her as her character Caitlin.
3: Lucy Lawless – Xena – Xena: Warrior Princess.
She was buxom, beautiful, tough, and slung a mean decapitating frisbee type thing. She also had a jaw line you could use to crack granite, gorgeous eyes, and when she wasn’t pretending to be American, has the sexiest New Zealand accent ever. Yup, she’s Lucy Lawless, and Xena contributed hugely to my teenage dreams. And not a few of my adult ones either. Why she hasn’t played Betty Paige I’ll never understand.
2: Emily Browning – Babydoll – Suckerpunch.
If you only remember Emily Browning as Violet from Lemony Snicket, then please (read rest of sentence in the voice of Jim Carrey from the same movie) be not horrified dear reader, for she is now an…adult! Yup she’s 23, it’s okay to fancy her these days. And boy is there a lot about her to fancy in this movie. Again swords, (pattern forming here), and guns, with not enough clothing. But also very pale skin. Always a plus in a beautiful woman. Nothing looks more unhealthy to me than a strong tan. Yuck.
1: Gemma Arterton – Io – Clash of the Titans.
I first saw this woman in the remakes of the St. Trinian movies, where she played a very, to my eyes at least, adult gothic headgirl. Then I had the misfortune to see Prince of Persia, weird movie. I swear one of these days there’ll be a computer game adaption that doesn’t make me want to claw my own eyes out, But she was by far the highlight of the whole affair for me. Then most recently I saw her in Clash of the Titans, and I melted. She has flawless looks, an amazing screen presence, can actually act (unlike everyone else in that movie, and I include Liam Neeson in that assessment.), and she is by far the most beautiful woman of fantasy I can think of.
For those interested she will be seen soon in an adult updated version of Hansel and Gretel, and apparently she wears a lot leather in that. Just saying.
And finally, and honorable mention. Joan Jett – Felicia Martens – Highlander the Series.
I wanted to add Joan Jett to this list because she plays a wonderful character in the first season of Highlander. However since I do try to ignore that this show ever happened, and because there is not one decent shot of her on the web playing Felicia, I’m only giving her an honourable mention. I guess you’ll all have to wait for the “Women of Rock” list for a full dose of her…nah, here’s my favourite love song ever, enjoy!