One Wednesday morning someone called to my door. They came representing the local catholic parish. And seeing as Christmas is coming I just bet you know what they came looking for. Yes, that’s right, money.
Question, when you’re standing at a strangers door, hoping to convince them to make a donation to your church what would you say the two most important things to keep in mind in a modern western country are?
Yes, you at the back?
No, not breast size.
Anyone else? Yes, you the odd-looking gentleman in the bat outfit.
Okay, you’re Batman that’s nice, you should get that throat looked at, your voice just sounds wrong.
Anyone? Anyone? No, right then.
The two most important things you should probably keep in mind while tin rattling for your local parish are, is the person I’m speaking to actually of my faith, or even a related faith. And “You know what? I should be polite. I should offer them a choice, not gruffly demand.”
Guess what my visitor did? Yes that’s right, they were rude, and never bothered to ask if I was either interested, or even Christian, much less Catholic. For the record I am neither Christian, nor Catholic. So what exactly did they do?
Well I opened the door with a smile on my face, the smile was something of a triumph seeing as I’d spent the entire morning sitting on a toilet while my face was in a sink with foulness coming from both ends. I asked politely, “Can I help you?”
“Ya, here’s a calendar and donation envelope, drop it back to the church with your donation.”
No, “If you are…” or “Would you mind…” or “Could you…”. Not even a fucking “Happy upcoming Christmas…” or as I think of it Saturnalia/Yulish. (Yes, I’m Pagan.) No nothing polite. Just a blind assumption that I am both Catholic, and would want to make donation to a church which I see as the worlds biggest organised criminal network. Seriously both the Mob, and the Mafia should take lessons from the Roman Catholic Church. And to cap it all off, a rude, obnoxious demand.
Now I have to admit that my response was somewhat, intemperate. I tore the pack they’d handed me in half. I may have said “How dare you…” three times. And having closed the door I definitely tore it up several more times.
But even with the assumptions they’d made, I would have replied with a polite “Sorry no, I don’t belong to…” if they had only been polite to me. After all I may not be Christian, but being polite costs nothing.
So what have we learned today class?
Yes, you again at the back?
Quite right, don’t piss off a sickly futagirl.
Someone else? Yes, you the guy in the purple tights and the bikini.
Yes, we do live in a multicultural world.
*sigh* Yes in the bat outfit.
Listen son, I’m sorry but you’re not Batman. You’re just a fool in a cape, who I suspect is riddled with throat cancer.
And class I’ve learned to never try, and teach anything semi-serious at a comic-convention.