Hopelessly or Helplessly in Love?

The other day while lying in a darkened room, trying my damnedest to escape yet another migraine, I started to think about love. In addition to being polyamorous, and kinky as hell, I am also a hopeless romantic. Which means essentially that despite my somewhat unconventional love life, I tend to have a somewhat old-fashioned viewpoint on being in love. So anyway, in the midst of these thoughts (while thinking how lucky I am to have a really hot and sexy Partner in Crime, as well as my own rather ripped Boylesquer (do I have to explain what that means? Really?) in my life. I got to thinking about the difference between being hopelessly, and helplessly in love.

I’ve generally used them interchangeably, not really thinking of them as having much in the way of distinct individual meanings. Then migraine, ludicrously strong painkillers, and fevered thoughts made me rethink the habit of a lifetime.

You see I am helplessly in love with my Partner in Crime. If she asked me to do something monumentally stupid I’d find it very hard to say “No.”, and while some of this is because I love her as a girlfriend, a great deal of my helplessness because she’s also my Miss. I am sometimes helpless before her, because I love her. I want to please her, to make her happy, to give her a reason to keep loving me.

Being hopelessly in love is something different. There are people in my life who I love deeply, passionately, but who also I know that there is no hope of having anything more with than already exists. In most cases I am very happy with this, after all they have loving partners, or are kind of batshit crazy, and frankly I carry more than enough crazy for any relationship. On the other hand there are, and have over the years been many others who I have loved hopelessly. And in their cases the word “hopelessly” carries just the right amount of despair in it.

In my early to mid-twenties I watched one of the most beautiful (in every way) women I’ve ever known go from bad relationship, to terrible relationship, to even worse relationship. All the while being in love with her, and wishing she would notice me long enough to realise I actually wanted to make her happy, rather than just wanting to get easy access to her fun-bits. We eventually drifted from each others life’s, as I simply couldn’t take the pain involved in knowing her any longer.

It may have taken me 34 years to find a way to understand both terms, but now I finally have a meaning for both that fits well for me.

The main difference is that being helplessly in love is a positive thing whether you’re theirs, or not, simply because it somehow brings you joy. Being hopelessly in love is to be, at least to some degree, in despair, maybe for the rest of your life. And I may be batshit crazy but I’ll always take the former over the latter.

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On another topic, my beloved lil sister Claire Ryan (of Threads of Aether fame) just released her first book on Amazon.com. Named “The Authors Marketing Handbook” it may well be that source of marketing help you’ve been looking for, and I’m not just saying that cos she’s my lil sister either. She’s seriously hardcore about her writing, so I know this will actually be what it says it is on the tin.  Anyway why not pop over to her page, and have a peek for yourself.

Her Authors page is here.

And the book page itself is here.

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