In the past I’ve written about the awesome things that go along with playing the ukulele, a writer, being lesbian (that one has led to a great deal of teasing by certain people), and being transgender…twice. So today, seeing as have a particularly nasty kidney infection, and so feel rotten, I am treating myself by writing a list of my favourite things about owning a pair of breasts.
And let’s face it boobs are awesome. Whether you own a set or not, odds are you do like them. Hell even most of the gay guys I’ve known like them, even if only as a potential self-warming pillow. Anyway, my reasons for loving breasts.
10. They really do make great pillows, and nothing beats having someone you love snuggled into your boobs. Looking all safe, and warm, and loved. Right up until your arm develops a cramp, and then you kick them off, roll over and go to sleep.
9. They make even the dowdiest v-neck top look sexy. Think about them was the last time you saw a plunging neckline, that framed a well-shaped bust, and it wasn’t sexy? We’re obviously leaving John Goodman-esque individuals out of this conversation as there is nothing nice about moobs.
8. They’re prime real-estate for tattooing. Not where they will stretch out over time, gravity is after all a bitch, who all breasts above a certain size eventually kneel before. But something well thought out, well positioned, and well inked. Yummy.
7. They’re also prime real-estate for piercing, and other related adventures. I for one have always dreamt of a row of seven pearl implants across the tops of my breasts, in a sort of seagull shape. Think Luis Royo type implants, but without the tears made of blood. One of these days I might even get those implants.
6. You can play games with them. And we’re not talking “fake juggling” type games here either. My personal favourite is what I call “Streetlights”. Dress in such a way that your breasts are all anyone will notice, obviously keep something handy to cover up if the situation warrants. Then do your best to steer guys in to streetlights, just with your breasts. This is obviously best done on a sunny day, and in a very, very public place for your own safety.
5. You can calm just about any panicking child by cuddling them to your breast. It’s basic organic programming, when we’re babies the safest place in the world for us is Mommies arms. For obvious reasons this should probably not be done with any child that you’re not related to in some way. And for equally obvious reasons there does come a cut off point where you definitely should not do this with older kids, especially older male kids (and not a few female ones).
4. You simply can’t have too many erogenous zones. Bad urinary tract infection? No problem Mistress, please play with my breasts instead. Enough said.
3. They look great. There’s something about the shape of breasts, the way they’re both sloping, and curved, the shadows in the hollow between them, and beneath them. Not to mention the visual silkiness of the skin containing them that makes virtually anyones bust achingly beautiful to look at.
2. They look even better wet. Add soap, and you’ve hours of amusement for a lover.
1. This one is a very personal thing. I spent the first 27 years of my life bustless. Obviously not an issue for probably the first 11ish years when no-one my age had them, or at least not in much of a noticeable way. But the following 16 years were unending torture. Walking down any street, and seeing other women in the fullness of their femininity, a key part of that being physically represented by their breasts.
The single best thing about owning a pair of breasts for me, is owning them. Being able to wake each morning, and run automatically my mental checklist.
- Eyes – 2 there of – check
- Nose – 1 not too big – check
- Lips – extra kissable – check
- Legs – almost endless – check
- Genitalia – Clit oversized non-vagina adjacent – check
- Genitalia – Kitty oversized clit adjacent – let’s ignore that for now
- Breasts – Honkin’ Double D’s – Oh Yeah Check!
I finally have them. And they are a physical representation of everything that I love about openly, and loudly expressing my feminine side.
(Expect a video blog on the topic of transwomen and their breasts in the future. Assuming I ever get around to rebuilding my PC after the move, or getting a decent webcam, or getting some editting software…Well it’ll happen, eventually. *Sigh*)
My Random Ruminations. 