A (Trans)womans voice.

The hardest day of my transition was the one where I realised there were some, supposedly, masculine traits I could never change about myself. Specifically my jaw line, my brow ridges, and especially my voice. And while over the past few years I’ve come to accept, and eventually appreciate the way the first two actually enhance my facial features, my voice has taken longer.

You see a strong jaw line, and well-defined brow are actually an advantage. After all, pretty is temporary, good, well-defined bone structure is for life, and frankly I was right at the front of the queue when they were handing out bone structures. Even I have to admit mine is scarily good.

However a non-classically feminine voice can be a problem.

Let’s create a situation in our minds. A pissed off Miss Harper is ringing the phone company. They’re supposed to have provided her with broadband, and what should be a reasonably fast connection is actually slower than the dial-up connection they replaced. So after jumping through many, many hoops our heroine Miss Harper finally gets through to an honest to goodness, 100% genuine human member of technical support.

“Hello Eircom Tech Support, how can I help you?”

“Yes you can help me , my broadband is slower than my dial-up was, and I’m pretty bloody mad about that.”

“Of course Sir, can I have your name, and account number.”

Being an eagle-eyed reader you of course instantly see what’s wrong with this exchange. No, no, it’s not that the tech support guy is being polite, and even helpful. Try again…

Yes! That’s right. He called me, “Sir”.

To this day 9 times out of 10 when I deal with phone staff from any company I get called “Sir” until I correct them. This also happens in person if the person speaking to me doesn’t see me before they hear me. Which leads to all sorts of humorous stammering, and blushes when they finally do look up, only to find an unexploded bosom aimed directly at their face.

This used to upset me a great deal. I mean I know, when I’m honest both with myself, and the world around me, that I’m a pretty good-looking bird. No-one questions my gender anymore based on my looks. The occasional fellow transperson, who know’s precisely what they’re looking for might realise my nature. But it is by far an exception these days, rather than the rule it once was. But my voice gets questioned so often that for a very long time it was extremely difficult to cope with. For so long every time my voice would be questioned I would end up in tears for hours afterwards. I would start falling back into that pit of blackness which I only just about managed to crawl out of when I finally did transition.

That all started to change though when I saw a certain music video for the first time.

Now once you manage to stop staring at her ass in those trousers listen to her voice. Tell you what, why don’t you wander off and watch some more of her videos. To listen to her voice of course, nothing to do with watching the divine nature of Brody on the screen.

Well there’s this really hot woman. With a really deep, voice. A voice which I’ve heard described as “An angel after she gargled rusty nuts, and bolts.” Would you question her gender? Me neither.

That’s when I that realised I didn’t need to change my voice, much. That I didn’t need to start sounding like Orvil on Helium to be accepted as female. That’s when I realised my voice already was feminine because it’s MY voice, and I am feminine as hell in almost every way. I possibly could use some basic voice coaching to smooth out a few edges on my voice, but ultimately there’s nothing wrong with being a deep voiced woman. Actually there’s something very right about it.

Think about the women who are heard by most people to have sexy voices. They’re usually husky, deeper than normal, and even somewhat rumbling. They also usually get those voices after smoking for a lifetime, or after something goes terribly wrong with a vocal surgery, or something else similar. Well I have one of those voices, and all I had to do to have that voice was to get overdosed by testosterone for more than half of my life. And all I had to do to own it was to accept that it’s actually sexy as hell. And yes as I said I could use a little work on it to smooth out it’s rougher edges, but that’s true of many people’s voices.

I suppose the point of this piece is to say this to any transwoman reading it, in the words of the great Douglas Adams, “Don’t Panic!”. Your voice probably is very sexy. Yes people will use the wrong pronouns on the phone with you. And yes that is horrible, and can leave you with a heart that’s aching so much it feels like it’s about to die. But once you correct people most of the time their minds reformat, and fit your voice into their “female” cache. In person when people see feminine they will usually hear it as well. It’s just how many times the human mind works.

Now let’s all sit down, and listen to the musical stylings of Brody. After all can you think of a better way to celebrate the Welshman who convinced the ancient Irish to give up all the fun stuff associated with being Pagan, than by listening to, and watching an insanely hot rock chick? No me either.

P.S. I can’t begin to tell you how badly I want the dress she wears in that video. Yum.

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2 Comments to “A (Trans)womans voice.”

  1. I just want you to know I always thought you sounded pretty girly. 😛

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