So after a Saturday of trawling through YouTube looking for a little amusement, it suddenly occurred to me to go looking for the music that I vaguely remember from my childhood. Being a child of the 80’s, I got to enjoy the two best decades of music, with the 90’s being the second. Admittedly, the 1980’s had a lot of trash. Real extra high-grade crapola. But on the other hand it also had some of the very best “Fuck Yeah!” motivational music ever. Think about it. If there’s a piece of music that pumps through your mind when the shit goes down, and you are aged 30 or older, the odds are it’s from the 80’s.
(Okay technically at least I’m an 80’s child, I was born in ’78 but I’m buggered if I can remember a damned thing from the 70’s.)
So here we go with my rather unique, and very personal Top 10 1980’s “Fuck Yeah” songs. And while most of these will probably end up being from one movie soundtrack or another, since it’s my list you won’t find “Eye of the Tiger” in there. I do have some self-respect, though as you’re going to see, not very much.
10. Invincible – Pat Benetar.
As I mentioned in my review of “The Legend of Billie Jean.” this was the big musical hit of that movie, even though the movie itself bombed. Look out for Miss Benetar being her incredibly beautiful self, weird fire effects, and some shots of ridiculously the young Christian and Helen Slater.
Best listened to when seeing off vast ravening hordes of aliens, while wearing your powered armor.
The best “Fuck Yeah!” line, every time she sings “We will be invincible!”
9. Man in Motion – John Parr.
Featured in the Brat-Pack classic, St. Elmo’s Fire. This is one of those songs which shouldn’t work. After all it’s about a bunch of privileged American college kids, and their unending bitching about how much their lives suck…no hang on that could actually be the movie. Well it’s hard to keep these things straight. Regardless this is one of those songs which seems to regularly end up on the background loop in gyms the world over.
Best listened to when you’re getting your guts together to ask someone out. After all if she says “No.” the lyrics have been preparing you to just keep on moving.
The best “Fuck Yeah! line, “You broke the boy in me, but you won’t break the man!” For some reason this line even works for girls.
8. Together in Electric Dreams – Phil Oakley.
Yes, I do realise that this is a love song. Yes, I do realise it is cheese given lyrical form. But do you know what? After listening to this for less than a minute, I’m just about ready to take on anyone. This may have something to do with vague childhood memories of wanting Virgina Madsen to date me more than anything in the world, aside from a new He-Man toy. It may have something to do with Oakleys magnificent hair-style in the video. Hell it may have something to do with my rapidly approaching psychotic breakdown. But whatever the reason this song does it for me.
Best listened to while you’re kicking someones ass, preferably with while wielding a sword, for the hand of the divine Virginia Madsen.
The best “Fuck Yeah!” line, “No matter where I go, I know I’ll never find a better prize.”
7. Rush Hour – Jane Wiedlin.
So this song is a little insipid. It’s kind of saccharine sweet, as in nauseating. And yet if this comes on the radio I suddenly get the overwhelming urge to steal a car, find a bad girl, and go cruising. The catch being that I don’t even know how to drive!
Best listened to while beating the classic Playstation game Wipeout, in the vain attempt to impress a girl who just doesn’t care.
The best “Fuck Yeah!” line, there isn’t really one. Seriously, there just isn’t. I don’t know why this song makes me want to crazy things, but it sure as hell isn’t down to the lyrics. I guess it must be Miss Wiedlin herself.
6. Hungry like the Wolf – Duran Duran.
It’s all too easy to laugh at Duran Duran these days. After all here was a group of apparently straight men, who were more primped than any of the girls in their audiences. But you can’t deny that they wrote some absolutely killer songs. Back in the days when I ran regularly this was always on my playlist.
Best listened to, secretly, hidden in a basement, at night.
The best “Fuck Yeah!” line, “Stalked in the forest, too close to hide, I’ll be upon you by the moonlight side.” There really wasn’t a lot to choose from.
5. Welcome to the Jungle – Guns n’ Roses.
Now let’s start by saying this. I loathe Guns n’ Roses. Hatred is not a strong enough word. When I even hear the name of the band I get the overwhelming urge to murder entire cities. Hence this being on a motivational song list. Some day they’ll be my motive for murder…No really while I don’t like this band, even the worst band can have just one amazing song, and for me this is it. The whole song hangs together perfectly, it’s exciting to listen to, and it just make you want to go out, and pound some concrete.
Best listened to while free running in any city, but preferably on the set of a Bond movie.
Best “Fuck Yeah!” line, “If you want it you’re gonna bleed but it’s the price to pay.” Says it all really.
4. Rock you like a hurricane – Scorpions.
Now we’re getting to the good stuff. This is the song you play before that first date with the girl of your dreams, I know I have. Before you go for that big job interview, again I have. Hell the Pope probably listens to this at full blast before he says mass, ummm nope not done this one.
Best listened to. LOUD!
Best “Fuck Yeah!” line “Here I am, Rock you like a hurricane!” Well come on what else could I choose?
3. You’re the best around – Joe Esposito.
This one is a cliché. I know it is. Everyone who has ever written a post like this has used this song. But there’s a reason clichés exist, and in this case it’s so you can headbutt your way through that solid steel wall that’s lying between you, and your goal. Look this song even made the impossibly uncool Ralph Macchio cool for a full 3 minutes and 9 seconds. That’s how powerful Joe Esposito is.
Best listened to while trying to remove that burnt in rice pudding from last nights dinner. Cause damn it, if you have to do it, you may as well be the best around at it.
Best “Fuck Yeah!” line, “Never doubt that you’re the one, and you can have your dreams!” Ah the dream of a pudding free saucepan.
2. The Neverending Story – Limahl.
Remember when I mentioned not having much self-respect. Well this is the proof. Yes, in my number 2 slot, (when you’re quite done laughing), is the theme tune from one of my favourite childhood movies, The Neverending Story. It’s another one that probably shouldn’t be on this, or any other, list but somehow is a real “Fuck Yeah!” song for me. That might have a lot to do with my having a very, very early crush on the girl who played the heroine Atreyu…yeah that was an AWKWARD conversation, the day when someone had to tell me that she was actually a boy. Yeah, well anyway.
Best listened to curled up in a fetal position while trying to drown out the screams of your early sexuality being mangled.
Best “Fu….there aren’t any. None. I’m sorry but I tried to find even one, and there just isn’t. But interesting fact the boy, and he was definitely boy, who played Atreyu also played Boxey in the original Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, I never liked that character either.
1. Princes of the Universe – Queen.
Well really who else could I have put at number 1? 20 years after his death, and Freddie still makes neck hairs the world over stand on end. From the wonderful movie “Highlander”, this song is quite simply rock perfection. I mean come on, the video even has Christopher Lambert as Connor MacCloud right there in it, and Freddie fights him, sword to…microphone. But still, wow.
Best listened to while single, and barehandedly wiping out an entire brigade of alien mech-warriors. Mech-warriors who always appear somewhere nearby whenever this song is played, purely to give the listener something to destroy. It’s that, or let them conquer the world.
Best “Fuck Yeah!” line, I couldn’t pick just one, so here’s four;
“Got to pass the test first time, yeah
I know that people talk about me
I hear it every day
But I can prove them wrong ’cause I’m right first time”
Freddie we still love you.