A puppy in heat.

Generally I love being a dog-owner.  The vast amounts of completely unconditional love make for a much happier life.  I always have someone to play with.  And she is without a doubt, the best hot water bottle ever created, I mean come on, she’s never goes cold and never requires a chilly walk through the dark of night, to be refilled.  I like to think she gets a lot in return.  Love, shelter, food, a collection of toys, poop patrol and just lately a cleaner of what we will be calling, blood.

Yes that’s right Winter is in heat and dripping sticky red stuff, everywhere.  And I really do mean everywhere.  It’s bad enough that her puppy-bed could easily be wrung out each morning.  It’s even worse still, that her two loving owners often find themselves stepping on something gooey and a little gory.  I rarely walk around barefoot at the best of times, but these days I avoid it like the plague. But that’s not the worst, oh no.

Winter is one of the laziest dogs I’ve ever known.  As someone who suffers from some pretty severe insomnia, I wish with all my heart that I could fall asleep as easily and as frequently as she does.  To put it plainly, Winter is the living embodiment of an old survival saying,  “If there is nothing to do, do nothing.”  Well she frequently does nothing what-so-ever, beyond the bare necessities.  She breathes, she drinks, she eats, she poops, she sleeps, and when she feels like it she plays with us both, whether I or my partner want to or not.  All of this is important to bear in mind because, somehow this lazy, lazy dog, has managed to spray the walls of the bathroom she calls her bedroom with large dollops of blood.

A lazy puppy, lazing about.

Yes that’s right, the worst part of Winter being in heat, is sitting on the toilet.  Because that’s the moment, when you look down and see what could easily be mistaken for a scene from one of those terrible Saw movies.

I can only imagine how she manages to get large gloopey drops of blood on the wall, higher than her own head height.  Perhaps she’s doing a hand-stand on her front paws, while she shimmy’s her rear half up the wall.  Then she rubs herself clean on the walls, then a job well done, she goes back to sleep.

Maybe she lifts her blood drenched bed, and does her considerable best to rub it clean on the bathroom wall.

Maybe she magically manifests opposable thumbs during the night, and does the canine equivalent of flicking snots at the wall.

Or maybe, it all just flies off her body, when she has a good shake in the morning.

Who knows?  But what I do know is that nothing, absolutely nothing, beats a blood smeared wall for putting a girl right off her game, when she’s sitting on the toilet.

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