World wide event review – The Rapture.

Do you remember Saturday night?  The huge global earthquake that finally dumped a large chunk of California into the Pacific ocean? Wasn’t that the scariest thing you ever saw happen?

I mean live on the internet huge buildings were just collapsing.  People killed by the hundreds, when they were hit by huge chunks of falling debris.

All the nuclear power plants blew up simultaneously.  I mean, even here in Kildare,  I’m walking around the house glowing like Casper the kinky ghost,  after he “fell” onto that light bulb that time.

What about when all those people on the street just vanished without a trace?  You remember the moment that felt very similar to that time when it was your tight-arsed friends time to buy the round.  Poof, gone without a trace, like the careers of all those 80’s sit-com actors.

Hang on your not telling me that you didn’t notice The Rapture?  Really?

Don’t worry neither did I, and no one else did either.

In case you missed the story of the greatest non-event in the history of mankind, here’s a summary.  Recently, an 89-year-old man named Harold Camping, predicted that Jesus Christ was going to return at 6pm on Saturday the 21st of 2011.  What’s more the true followers of this very white Jesus, and only the very truest of his followers, would be swept bodily to heaven.  This of course, ignoring every known law of physics, though who knows maybe the Christian god has figured out how the transporters in Star Trek work.  As well as ignoring the fact that if there even was a real, historical J.C., he would have looked a lot more like Saudi oil-prince and a lot less like what Donald Trump thinks he sees, when he looks in the mirror.

Needless to say it didn’t happen.  This resulted in much egg was wiped from some faces.  While much beer and cake was devoured by other more, rational ones.

So that’s the end of the story, right?

Nope, sorry but according to Mister Camping he got his sums wrong.  Now call me a doubting Thomas if you like.  But this is the same Harold Camping who had previously predicted the world was going to end in 1994.  Strangely it didn’t, and I still had to sit my damn Junior Cert.  But now, after proving for a second time that his understanding of the “secret code” built into the Bible,  is matched only by his understanding of the words “give it up”, the man, so right he went and hid in a motel when he was wrong, is back.  Yes that’s right, he somehow forgot to carry the 5, and then he divided by 3, when he should have gone for a psychiatric evaluation and been put into a home, alongside all the other unfortunate people suffering from psychiatric problems.

The upshot of all this being that, yes that’s right you guessed it.  Buddy Christ’s world destroying alter-ego, Super Christ will be arriving to slay the unrighteous on the 21st of October.  Sounds like a damn good day to schedule a big party, drink a lot of beer, eat a lot of cake and who knows maybe lick a few drops of “Boy, are some people dumb” off of the butt of some really hot, tattooed and pierced goth-girl.  I will of course be at said party, and will write a full review the following day…get it?  The following day.  I crack myself up.

So people get ready for build up to –

October 21st 2011

The Rapture Party 3

The Armageddon party so bad-ass, even Jesus was too scared to show up the first two times!

(Image via Snarkerati.com)

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