Wednesday night, 8pm, in an attempt to find something watchable to bridge the gap between, M*A*S*H the television series and M*A*S*H the original movie my partner and I found a new program on Sky 1. Called “A Different Breed” it’s all about dog owners in the UK. But these aren’t your normal dog owners, these are the special ones who should probably be locked in a rubber room, for their own safety. I will give you one example.
One woman. (Whose name I erased from the pages of my memory in what might be the vain attempt to save myself from an idiot induced psychotic episode.) Who happens to be the owner of a pet grooming salon, was arranging a wedding. For her dog! Oh and I do mean a wedding, complete with hotel for the reception, flowers, dresses, tuxedo’s and a frikkin lunatic dog owner. It was to say the very least horrific viewing, as the show followed her around hotels and wedding fairs. However it’s at the point when she tells a hotel owner, that her precious pooch pooping on his hotel grounds, marks the dogs blessing for his hotel to be used that I wanted to tear her hair out and strangle her with it.
This did not mark the very worst of the show however. Worse still was the bulldog fashion show. I shit you not, a fashion show comprised purely of what has to be the most butt-achingly ugly dog breed in existence. Look despite what bulldog owners may say, bulldogs are not cute ugly, they’re very much ugly-ugly. Sweet yes, endearing in an odd way yes, but cute….frik no. Anyway I digress, imagine bulldogs in tutu’s, bulldogs dressed as action men, bulldogs dressed as pimps and you’re starting to get the picture.
Now don’t get me wrong in all this, I am a serious dog lover. I adore them and would do anything within the realms of sanity for my Winter to keep her fit and healthy. But these people aren’t just dog lovers, I suspect a few of them might be dog (pronounce next word with a strong french accent) lovers. These are the sort of people, who need a good smack across the back of the head with a battle-axe. Even if it doesn’t set them straight it will remove them from the gene-pool.
I’ve always harboured a deep and strong faith, in humanities ability to save itself, from whatever disasters might befall our species in the coming decades and even centuries. We are, I thought an intelligent species, who can in the darkest of moments put aside self-interest and work towards the common good. Worse, I had always seen humankinds mostly mutually beneficial partnership with our dogs, as one of the most glowing examples of why humans have such potential. But now that I have seen this show. Filled with the sort of people I wouldn’t trust with a pair of blunt children’s scissors, it is now my considered opinion, that the human race is most definitely doomed.
If you want to see visual evidence of the descent of man, accompanied by the itchy feeling you get when you realise the sort of people who share the gene-pool with you, A Different Breed is on Wednesdays at 8pm on Sky 1.
My Random Ruminations. 