Movies I hope I never have to see again – LGBT

In the gay world there are movies you’re just supposed to like in a kind of showing your support for the flag sort of way.  They’re typically made by straight people in Hollywood to show the world the extent of how much in touch with the LGBT community they are.  Of course what they actually do more often than not is actually reveal how little they understand the reality of life for LGBT people in general.

But despite this it’s almost taboo to admit in LGBT company that you genuinely can’t stand these movies.  Well I say enough!  I will be silent over my loathing for these movies no longer.  I make here a list of the five LGBT movies I wish I had never seen, not because they’re bad LGBT movies but because they’re just bad movies that happen to be LGBT movies.

5: Boys Don’t Cry.

Okay lets make this clear right off the bat I adore Hillary Swank so much so that I even liked her stint as the Karate Kid.  She is an astonishingly good actress as well as being one of the most unconventionally beautiful women in films today.  What she isn’t is a boy and this movie definitely showed why non-transfolk always fail so miserably at portraying transfolk on film.  Don’t get me wrong she did better than most would have in her portrayal of Brandon Teena but this movie is still cringeworthy in the extreme as well as being monumentally boring.  Not even the divine presence of Chloe Sevigny could save it.

4: Chasing Amy.

This movie isn’t so much an LGBT flagwaver as the others on this list but it annoys me enough to still warrant a dishonorable mention.  Kevin Smith is a brilliant filmmaker, Mallrats ranks as one of the funniest movies I’ve ever watched and Dogma is quite simply genius given form.  Chasing Amy however is tripe and nothing but tripe.  The only message I got from it is that Ben Affleck apparently is out there waiting to turn me back on to men and then turn me into his whore.  Seriously watch this movie once and you’ll get a very good idea of the light in which  straight men often (though not always) see lesbians.  Then burn your copy and pretend that it doesn’t exist while you enjoy the comedic chaos that is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

3: If These Walls Could Talk 2.

I’d like to list both of these movies purely because of how bad they are but since the first is about abortion rather than being gay I’ll have to make do with just one.  But what a one.

This movie in three parts has all the trappings of being something special.  Three stories, in three eras, with three sets of very good actresses but unfortunately it’s monumentally boring.  It’s not bad persay, the stories on they’re own are actually sort of interesting the first dealing with grief and being shut out from making “family” decisions after the loss of a same-sex partner, the second showing the bitter fracture lines in 70’s feminism and the last being about two gay women desperate to have a baby.  The cast are impressive to say the least with Vanessa Redgrave, Sharon Stone, Ellen Degeneres and making her second appearance in this list Chloe Sevigny.  It has all the makings of being something truly special.

But it’s not.  It’s mostly just despressing, disheartening and boring.  Lets just leave this with my saying that this movie was the first I ever watched which ended with my saying in a loud voice “Well that’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.”

2: Breakfast on Pluto.

This is the gay Angelas Ashes, depressing, confused and just plain bad.  It’s a movie you should watch once if only so you can realise how good you have it.  It’s the Irish/Brtish gay persons equivilent of an African-American watching Roots to remind themselves just how good they actually have it no matter how hard their life might be.  Or any Irish person watching reruns of Glenroe “damn my life sucks but at least I’m not married to Miley from Glenroe”

Again the casting is great, the way it’s shot is perfect but I really don’t need to go to a movie and come out of the cinema wanting to blow my own brains out.  I already had that twice with Angelas Ashes and The Magdelena Sisters.  Actually what is it with Irish film makers  and their attempts to make us all slit our own throats?  Answers on a 2×4 postcard to…

1: The Adventures of Pricilla Queen of the Desert.

Awful just awful.  Australian film is often painful to watch; Mad Max Trilogy for example, with an occasional flash of pure brilliance; Gallipoli, but this particular movie is beyond being simply painful it’s so awful that it’s just plain bad.  When I came out I had no less than three copies of this movie thrust upon me within twelve months as gifts from three different well meaning friends of various sexual orientations .  I’m afraid to say all three copies were scratched up and  put into a microwave so I could enjoy a much better show in the sparkly lights that resulted.

I’m sure it has immense resonance and meaning if you’re a drag queen from Austrailia on a working road trip across the Outback, but I’ve never been to Austrailia and Goddesses willing I never will be and I am most certainly not a drag queen. As an LGBT movie it’s just one cliche after another after another, oh and hey look here comes, yes, yes it’s another.  But ultimately it fails in the same way that most of the films on this list fail, it’s just plain boring.  It failed to captivate me in anyway and left me feeling that I had wasted another two hours of my life.

It’s a shame to say it but there’s one Hugo Weaving movie I never want to see again and this is it.

3 Comments to “Movies I hope I never have to see again – LGBT”

  1. Hehe, I really liked most of those! Guess this might be time to reference your last post before this one, shrug, and say that there’s no accounting for taste*.

    *yours, natch 😛

  2. Hmm, I haven’t seen a few of these. Boys Don’t Cry is problematic, as we were saying on FB, and it’s the film that was referenced to me when coming out (because we all need a reinforcement of the trans=victim narrative esp when vulnerable during coming out!).

    Breakfast on Pluto, well, I guess we disagree on this. I don’t have a particular objection to watching stuff I consider heart-wrenchingly depressing (if I did, I’d have to get rid of half of all the media I own, including several ‘war is hell’ giant robot anime).

    I haven’t seen ‘Priscilla’, so all I know from that one is the soundtrack, which is fabulously camp and I love it. Also, why the hate on Australia, dammit? I know several awesome queers and trans peeps down there who are the shit 😛

  3. @ Jell O’Fish: I don’t hate Australia at all, just the bulk of the movies that come from there. I adore any part of the world where even the sheep are lethal animals, well some of them.

    BoP is one of my pet peeves so we’ll probably always disagree on that one, but you’re in good company almost everyone disagrees with me on that one.

    BDC isn’t problematic for me at all I just don’t like it. Though Hillary and Chloe kissing was super hot, though to be honest I think anyone and anything kissing Miss Sevigny is hot.

    @ Teacosy: My taste is flawless apart from those really bad taste exes, but we’ll leave that there me thinks.

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